No added sugar: how to market Andy Murray

He’s finally done it. It was brilliant. Frankly, with the weight of pressure lumped on poor Andy’s shoulders this year, I’m surprised he was even able to lift a racquet, let alone swing it. So he’s more than earned a bit of payback: a week off, perhaps, and a few hefty great endorsement deals to make it all worth the while.

But will brands be queuing up to emblazon Andy Murray across shaving foam, payday loansand lingerie? Let’s take a back-handed look:

Endorsement Murray
The nation has clamoured to see Murray’s sunny side, but I like his surly. I, too, get grumpy when I’m not winning at stuff. It’s natural (especially if you grow up with four brothers: everything matters). So I want to see Endorsement Murray when the mood is right. Any product I encounter in the first hour of the day, for example. What would Murray be able to add to my morning muesli? He’d tell me “GNAAHHH. This is CRAP. But pull yourself together. It’s happening, so deal with it. Your bus is in four minutes.”

Brand: Bran Flakes. No frills, no fun, but brutally effective.

Ambassador Murray
You can keep your Roger Federers, Lionel Messis and Sebastien Vettels, breezing to success with super-extra-close-shaved chins and boyish, boring smiles. I don’t believe in them. Marketers will need to break away from their sweet-as-Robinson’s, Tim Henman style of soft, smiley sporting celebrity if they want to grab the opportunities Murray presents – and I’m really looking forward to seeing the first brand that does.

Brand: Relentless energy drink. I’ve drunk this stuff, and it’s foul; plus everyone thinks you’re drinking Special Brew. You’ve got to REALLY want that massive caffeine rush. No-one should ever promote this stuff with a smile, which is why Andy’s “grit your teeth and win ugly” mentality will be the perfect inspiration for those of us stood in front of the corner shop drinks fridge, battling our senses of self-worth.

Rain break
Whilst I’m busy writing the final section of this blog, watch this Murray ad for adidas

Far be it from me to criticise those who must know much, much better, but I don’t think adidas have pitched this right. It’s all bright colours and zappy comic-book effects, as though they’ve mistaken Murray for Michael Cera in Scott Pilgrim vs the World. Why not celebrate the introverted grit and bloody-mindedness of the Scotsman (and yes, I’ve dragged his nationality in at this point deliberately)? These are great strengths, essential ingredients of success, but often forced to stand in the corner whilst bonny extroverts bounce smugly around (that’s you, Vettel). What’s wrong with saying “get your head down; grimly believe and quietly fight; avoid the bullies and the loudmouths and the nay-sayers, at school and work and home and anywhere else: success takes time. It doesn’t have to be pretty. YOU don’t have to be pretty. Grump, grouch and groan your way to the top, if that’s what it takes”? Instead, adidas attempt here to pose Murray as conventionally majestic, heroic and handsome; instead, he just looks awkward.

Unfiltered Andy
I find it appealing that our sporting heroes can be as awkwardly-shaped as Murray, rather than his close rival Popeye. Sorry, I mean Rafa Nadal.

I can look out of the window and see bodies walking past that don’t look like Andy, but could do. That’s pretty big news for any chap who’s seen Cristiano Ronaldo swapping shirts.

He’s also got a history of admirable straight-talking, sometimes beyond the call of duty: such as his infamous 2006 World Cup “I’ll support anyone who’s playing England” comment (probably said in jest). Murray’s unpasteurised, not pre-chopped or pre-washed and definitely contains nuts.

Brand: anything organic. I want to see Andy promoting anything that is pre-supermarket-era, ie normal. Let him brandish knobbly carrots and mis-sized potatoes. Life’s like that. Yoghurts aren’t naturally sweet. Bread shouldn’t look pristine for a week. Tell them, Andy: tell them that you don’t have to look like Nadal to win Wimbledon and that tall, gangly bananas are ok, too.

Final Fun
Wimbledon annually shows us that we like to get carried away and shout out occasionally, so here’s your chance. Amongst your serious responses to my Murray-marketing assertions, who can suggest the best-fit existing brand and/or tagline for Andy?

I’ll serve first with a nod to Murray’s doggedness and Scottishness:

Jonny Walker: Keep on Walking…

Okay, let’s hear yours then.

By DMA guest blogger Laurence Collings, freelance copywriter